Journal: Programming

Babies do not come out of the navel (as I assumed as a little girl!), and they do not come out neatly from an egg. They come from your sexual centre, from the innermost part of you. On the way, they pass through tissues that are used to engage in sexual pleasure and connection. 

I think we underestimate how significant it is for a woman to choose labour—to choose to birth. Sure, you may find yourself pregnant or even end up birthing a baby, but choosing it is a whole other thing. 

When a conscious choice comes into the mix, so untapped power is also introduced. The woman may not yet know the breadth of this power. Still, in the hindsight of her life, she may trace it back to that birthing moment and the seed of confidence that was also birthed that day, alongside her baby.

I want you to consider your upbringing. This is not about bringing to light mistakes, shame or misfortune. It’s not about dishonouring caregivers or parents, nor is it about rehashing any pain of the past. It’s valuable to look at our programming to actually experience the real, tangible good life the Lord has designed us for.

We usually pick-up our most influential programming from our same-sex parent or caregiver.

You may like to unblock programming you’ve picked up around topics like:

  • Resting vs powering through: What was your primary caregiver’s relationship like to rest? Did they allow themselves to stop and rest when they were tired, or did they model to you that you need to push through until you’ve finished a task, etc.? 
  • Being naked vs being covered: In your family, did your parents call the vagina and other genitalia by their names? Or did they use language like ‘private parts’ etc.?
  • Being assertive vs being polite: Were you celebrated for sharing opinions and having a voice, or were you praised for being polite and keeping quiet? Do you return food if your order has genuinely been confused?
  • Making noise vs being quiet: Was it taken lightly if people in your family made bodily noises, i.e. yawn, break wind (fart), burp? In other contexts, like during sex, do you feel comfortable making noises of pleasure with your partner? Is this strictly avoided? Preferred? Tried a little or every now and then? What is your comfort level around you, letting out a sound? If you went into the bush in the middle of nowhere by yourself, could you let out a ‘hurhhhh’? How about in a car park near your local shopping centre? Could you let out a wee little ‘hooo-eeee’?
  • Saying no vs saying yes: If someone holds a pamphlet in your direction at a shopping centre do you take it, even if you don’t want it? Could you say no without feeling guilty?
  • Following your instincts vs following the rules: Have you ever done something that didn’t make logical sense at the moment, but that you intuitively felt was the best choice? Or round the other way, did you feel to do something, hesitated, then found out later it would have been wise?
  • Trusting your intuition vs following another’s intuition: Have you ever taken preference over the Holy Spirit’s leading, or an inner knowing, and discarded another’s insight? Perhaps in the arena of health, your career or your relationship? How did that pan out? Did you regret it? Or around the other way, did you listen to an expert’s advice and ended up in a muddle because it went against your own inner knowing?
  • Taking risks vs avoiding risks: How risk adverse would you say you are? In comparison to your parents? Your partner? Do you have multiple types of insurance? Do you allow certain types of risk but not others? Are you uncomfortable with social risks (i.e. chatting with strangers at parties) but you’re comfortable with investing money and risking it that way? How heightened are your senses to risk in this world? Do you consume news? Which sources do you consider worth listening to?
  • Embracing uncertainty vs controlling uncertainty: Are there times when you’ve tried to control the outcomes, even when there was nothing really that you could do? In your dating relationship, did you try to make your partner like you? Do you feel like your job is threatened and at any moment could become unstable? What was your anxiety like on your wedding night (if it was the first time you had sex)? How easily were you able to down regulate your emotions, connect with your partner and enjoy the moment? Was that challenging? Did you feel uncertain about whether the experience would be successful for you both?