(This week’s article is based on a note I wrote to myself on 2 August 2018 at 9.35pm. All the words in brackets were added for the publishing of this article).
I just had my dating ultrasound scan. I’m 14 weeks and three days. Due 2 April 2019. Exactly what I thought. I guessed that and I was right! I am in tune with my body.
(With both pregnancies I’ve only felt to have one ultrasound scan in each.)
It was so so beautiful to see my lovely baby swimming and squirming. How glorious!! My baby is so beautiful.
The sonographer was pleasant enough in her words, but the undertone of her energy was stagnant and fear-based. She said sternly to me twice, “You need to come back in five weeks. It is very important. I need to check your baby has all its bits. They’re too small right now for me to check.”
(She was referring to the morphology scan which is recommended to pregnant mamas around 18-20 weeks gestation).
She said a version of this twice. With MUCH emphasis! And both times I was completely silent. I did not address her or say a word. I didn’t even nod. On purpose. Not out of anger or powerlessness. I had much to say! But I knew it wasn’t the context. I didn’t need to convert her to my beliefs—her heart didn’t seem open to that anyway. She was content with her fear reproducing ways.
However…if I was going to confront the spirit of fear manifesting in this woman I would say: 1) I believe my baby is completely healthy! I have absolutely no reason to doubt this. This is my first stance and my core belief.
2) If there was some type of anomaly picked up in a scan I would absolutely continue with the pregnancy. So when you say ‘I need to check the baby has all their bits’, that still doesn’t change my resolve! I am invested in their life. They have been given to me. I welcome them wholeheartedly. (As you probably know, scans are sometimes conducted to allow the mother/parents to then abort the child if abnormalities are found).
3) Lastly, ultrasound scans are not always accurate. Each radiology clinic specifically identifies this themselves in their pre-scan terms and conditions which every mother being scanned has to sign.
The bottom line is… an ultrasound scan is not where I put my trust. I won’t rely on the scan to give me reassurance that I have a healthy, whole baby. (If my peace is based on anything other than the unshakable nature of God’s goodness, then I have opened myself up for disappointment on life’s terms.)
So, there’s no judgment if you want a scan. Or if you don’t. Whatever you do, do it in conviction and with faith; not from a place of reactionary fear or because a policy somewhere says you have to.